


If You Can't Do the Time, Don't Do the Crime

by BackattheBein



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Bar fights, Dirking, Fluff, Get hyped, M/M, Mild Language, it's brotzly week y'all, nice break from the whump in the works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 03:58:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11199996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BackattheBein/pseuds/BackattheBein
Summary: In honor of brotzly week, I present my headcanon of Dirk and Todd's first time getting arrested (because we all know it's probably going to happen eventually, they do so much illegal stuff tbh). They go to a bar to do some drinking, and Todd becomes even more  possessive/protective of the people he cares about when under the influence (see: Dirk).





	If You Can't Do the Time, Don't Do the Crime

The first time they go to a bar together, they’re both tired and stressed out, desperate to get their current case off of their minds, whether there’s beer in the fridge or not.

What Todd didn’t anticipate was Dirk becoming a flirting mess after just a few drinks.

They decided on the bar around the corner, mostly out of convenience. It was getting late on a Friday night and they were more than ready to let alcohol do its thing and loosen their nerves. Neither of them moved towards the dance floor when they walked in; they went straight for the bar.

Todd started off with a beer, plain and simple, while Dirk went for a Long Island Iced Tea. After that, Todd’s memories of the night were hazy. He knew they both ordered a few more drinks before Dirk started eyeing back the guy who’d been doing the same to him for the better part of an hour.

 _He’s allowed to flirt with whoever he wants to flirt with_ , Todd had tried to assure himself. _We’re just friends! We’re not even a thing. Solving a murder with someone doesn’t make you … what does that make you?_

Todd had nonchalantly glanced over at Dirk, on his right, so close to the guy he was flirting with they were practically on top of one another. Todd had imagined that Dirk’s body heat must have felt amazing, the brush of leather against his skin, pulling him inexplicably closer by the tie …

 _Ok, slow down. Maybe get some water._ Todd remembered looking into the mouth of his beer bottle, unable to remember how many he’d had at that point.

Part of him had known that it wasn’t the beer that was making him jealous. _I’m not jealous! I’m just … protective?_ “Oh God,” he’d whispered to himself. _That sounds so much worse._

“Todd? S’everything alright?”

Dirk had probably meant to just place his hand reassuringly on Todd’s shoulder but the alcohol coursing through him meant that he had sort of shoved Todd a little. Todd had needed it though, thankful to be broken out of his thoughts for a moment.

“Yeah, it’s just – ”

“I’mmmgonna dance, m’kay?” Todd had felt relieved that he hadn’t been allowed the opportunity to throw up his feelings in Dirk’s direction. Instead, Dirk was heading towards the dance floor with that guy he’d been flirting with.

Only as they’d been walking away did Todd get a good look at that loser, and God was he good looking. He was tall and skinny just like Dirk, with a shock of deep black curly hair and a pointy face. He was wearing a jacket too, a long, knee-length number.

 _Asshole, why does he think he have a chance?_ Todd had known his anger was just some irrational feelings caused by the alcohol, but the feelings had to be there first in order for the alcohol to amplify them.

Todd couldn’t tell how long he’d gotten to stir in his weird feelings about Dirk and their relationship before the Brit was suddenly back at the bar, leaning wobbly against it.

“He wasn’t very nice, Todd, not like you are.” Dirk had seemed to say it more into his empty beer bottle. Realizing it was empty he motioned to the bartender for another.

Todd had had no idea how to respond to that. Thankfully he hadn’t needed to because that guy appeared out of nowhere to resume the conversation with Dirk.

It turned out restarting that conversation had meant, in that loser’s mind, that he had the right to grab Dirk’s butt pretty possessively as if they hadn’t just met in a bar an hour ago.

Dirk had cried out, obviously shocked and upset that he hadn’t been able to escape the other’s grasp. When Todd had turned to look at Dirk, to really look him in the eyes, he’d seen beneath the alcohol what looked like genuine fear.

_God, this asshole’s being such a creep. Is Dirk ok?_

Or that’s what Todd should have been thinking, instead of turning to that stranger and decking him right then and there, punching him hard enough to make blood come spurting out of his nose.

*

Todd woke up to bright lights and a crazy uncomfortable bed. His head felt like it was splitting, and he really couldn’t put together everything that had happened last night leading to getting arrested, apparently.

He opened his eyes to get a look at his surroundings and saw what he thought was a pretty typical jail cell, just a cot attached to the wall and bars instead of a door. _Wait where’s … Oh shit!_

Todd at first couldn’t see Dirk in the room but was shocked to find … holy shit were they spooning? In a jail cell?? Arrested and hung over??!

To say that Todd climbed out of bed a little less than gracefully would be an understatement. While trying to disentangle himself from Dirk, he tripped with Dirk’s arm still wrapped around his chest and somehow managed to pull Dirk onto the floor with him.

It was quite the rude awakening to be dragged out of bed and onto the floor, and Dirk only half-realized that he was now lying on top of Todd in a rather compromising position. His head was pounding from the festivities the previous night. All he remembered was entering the bar, briefly flirting with some random guy, and then Todd punching him because …

“Dirk, get off of me,” Todd whined as his hands searched for purchase on Dirk’s leather jacket.

“Quite right. Good assisting Todd,” Dirk was slurring his words as he started to fall back asleep. Todd was so warm and comfortable compared to the bed, if he laid his head on Todd’s shoulder just right …

“Rise and shine lovebirds! You’re free to go now.”

A booming voice coming from the hallway startled them both and they got to their feet as quickly as they could with tired and still-impaired brains. It was admittedly wobbly, and when Dirk almost fell over after finally managing to get to his feet, Todd’s hand reached out on instinct to grab Dirk’s and help stabilize him.

Todd didn’t immediately let go as soon as Dirk was fully up. It felt oddly right, the warmth reassuring in their foggy conditions. Todd felt a wave of possessiveness flush over him. _That’s what that is, right? Just me saving his skin, again? There’s no deeper meaning here?_

Dirk smiled over at Todd with a truly innocent and beaming look that said _I trust you, Todd. I might even lo—_

 _No, don’t think about that right now._ As Dirk and Todd made their way outside into the bright, beautiful morning, the light hitting Dirk’s hair at just the right angle to make it glow, Todd shook his head to try and clear out those crazy thoughts of his. He vowed to have a talk with himself about Dirk and their … relationship, and maybe, one day, he’d find it in himself to talk to Dirk.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! Thanks for reading. This is the quickest turn around for a fic that I've ever done, so it may not be up to par with the rest of my work. It's just some good old-fashioned fluff and I hope you enjoy. Comments and kudos always appreciated <3 Happy brotzly week!


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